Monday, 3 June 2024

The forgetting moments

I hate the moments when I suddenly remember anew that I'm not going to see you again. 
It's not that I forget you're not here - I think I forget that you aren't just "somewhere else": at work, visiting family, whatever. 

And I have the realization, again, that I'm not just waiting for the end of a trip. You're not around anymore. And it hurts, again, every time. 

I wonder if it's the cyclical aspect of grief or if it's just conditioning: I lived longer with you around than without. 
But I don't really know that I want to reach the point in my life where I've lived longer without you. I'd be *really* elderly by then so maybe I'll be lucky and this was midlife. And now I head into "my dotage"!!

I miss you. 

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